i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
