What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize