I would go down on you faster than GM stock
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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