I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
