I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She bit a glass in half.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Terrible idea I love it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
