if i can run in heels then i can drive
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
love makes seman taste better
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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