But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
