I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
