so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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