Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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