He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
