I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize