we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
