by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
