3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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