i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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