oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
