His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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