His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
