I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
