We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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