hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
