is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize