The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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