Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
