I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
