burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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