Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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