you traded sex for a burrito?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i think my cat just said my name.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
