I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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