All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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