I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
