Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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