He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize