Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
