if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
last night I used snow as a chaser
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
