whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
