i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
