The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
