i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
