Rock
Scissors
Fuck
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
