just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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