I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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