I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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