Duck Duck Cougar?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
