Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
