Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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