Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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