Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
