Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
