So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
