The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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