It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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