i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
