don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize