Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you never un-have a 4some
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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