I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
