Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
