I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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