Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
