my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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