first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
