Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
