Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
