guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
