Grow some girl-balls and come out already
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
