Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
