Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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