if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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