I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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