id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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