Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
