absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
