summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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