FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
