had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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