OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's rum buckets o'clock
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
