Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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