I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize