I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
