So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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