the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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